PCOS is a terrible TERRIBLE theif. It steals so much from my life. I have decided to take my life back in the only way that has been successful in the past....the Ideal Protein Diet. I did it in 2010 and lost 48 lbs, felt great, got pregnant and gave birth to a HEALTHY full term baby girl in 2011.
Fast forward 5 years, 2 more miscarriages and my PCOS has taken over my eating, my weight, my health and my cycles (or lack thereof)....which has caused me to be put on 3 different meds and feeling terrible and struggling with depression (not extreme, but some.)
I started what I am calling MyIdeal2015 yesterday, August 3rd. I had 64.5 lbs from my initial weigh in to my goal, but my real goal is gaining my life back, being able to love on my kids more and (prayerfully) getting and staying pregnant with another healthy full term baby! I will check in every week after my weigh in (either Monday evening or Tuesday) as my journal to keep me accountable.
My only complaint so far is of the headache, lack of energy and terrible taste of olive oil. Perks, my home scale already moved...no heartburn....and I slept well last night!!!
See you next week!
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Monday, March 2, 2015
Tricky Dirty Wrong+
First let me apologize for the 4 year hiatus on this space!!! We had our healthy happy stubborn baby girl on March 19 2011 and then 5 months and 5 days later brought our 4th child home from the Lonestar State at 10 days old!!! Needless to say the last 4 years have been a little crazy. We have also continued to have foster children in our home...so for the last 3 years we have consistently had 6 children in our home!!!
I am coming her today to talk about something that is greatly troubling me today. SATAN! He is so tricky and his tricks sometimes are just downright dirty. You make a decision according to what you believe God would want you to do but this lion sure tries to make you question your decision and at time make you think you made the wrong one.
I have always struggled with graphic, nasty dreams. Dreams that are recurring for sometimes years at a time and they are always bold, vivid and happening on a regular basis. I can think of several that I am so thankful that through prayer with my Handsome have went away. Snake dreams come and go and when I say snake dreams I'm not meaning snakes of normal size and nature...but snakes that take over the world and eat the people you love the most, in horrifying detail.
But for the last little while I have struggle with a dream that hits me right in a personal insecurity. It is a dream I do not really wish to share, in fact only one of my daycare moms knows what it is and no one else. But there are times that it comes and goes, but Satan has used a godly conversation with a friend and turned my insecurity of this situation into an awful and heartbreaking recurring dream.
It affects the way I think about certain situations, it causes me to over analyse things, it causes me to live in fear.....and deep down I believe the lie he wants me to believe isn't true. I pray it never becomes true....but still I wrestle.
The worst part about it is that I really do not have a close person that I can tell everything to. So I am here...writing my thoughts, my fears, my heartbreak....on this site. Not exactly the most friendly 'welcome back' post ever....but an honest one for sure.
I am coming her today to talk about something that is greatly troubling me today. SATAN! He is so tricky and his tricks sometimes are just downright dirty. You make a decision according to what you believe God would want you to do but this lion sure tries to make you question your decision and at time make you think you made the wrong one.
I have always struggled with graphic, nasty dreams. Dreams that are recurring for sometimes years at a time and they are always bold, vivid and happening on a regular basis. I can think of several that I am so thankful that through prayer with my Handsome have went away. Snake dreams come and go and when I say snake dreams I'm not meaning snakes of normal size and nature...but snakes that take over the world and eat the people you love the most, in horrifying detail.
But for the last little while I have struggle with a dream that hits me right in a personal insecurity. It is a dream I do not really wish to share, in fact only one of my daycare moms knows what it is and no one else. But there are times that it comes and goes, but Satan has used a godly conversation with a friend and turned my insecurity of this situation into an awful and heartbreaking recurring dream.
It affects the way I think about certain situations, it causes me to over analyse things, it causes me to live in fear.....and deep down I believe the lie he wants me to believe isn't true. I pray it never becomes true....but still I wrestle.
The worst part about it is that I really do not have a close person that I can tell everything to. So I am here...writing my thoughts, my fears, my heartbreak....on this site. Not exactly the most friendly 'welcome back' post ever....but an honest one for sure.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
A quote and my thoughts
"One woman will brag about her children, while another complains about hers; they could probably swap children without swapping tunes"
I found this quote (without author noted) and it really hit home to me. I have always tried very hard not to sound like a mother complaining about my children. Have I failed, YES, but I try each day to be ONLY thankful for my children and where we are. Do I complain about other things, more than I should...but why would I complain about one of the top three most amazing gifts God has blessed me with?
I know many women who have very little good to say about being a mother, or sharing the experience with their spouse. Is being a mother hard, YES! It is probably one of the most difficult hats I have to wear. But it is amazing, and I find it amazing how God has pieced our family together in His most perfect way! Now I know I have complained of situations before, but what do you hear fairly new mothers complain about out of the gates?
"I am so tired, this child wakes up for nightly feedings and I cannot sleep." I always found the night time feedings a blessing. The house is quiet, the lights are dim, and there are no distractions and absolutely nothing else for me to be doing but feeding that precious baby. I find this true of all my babies, even our foster babies, I have never minded getting up for that precious bonding time no matter what the hour.
"Changing diapers is for the birds, those blow outs are the worst." Here, I do tend to say that it isn't the most pleasant thing in the world to do...but having two children that struggled to go 'stinky' more than once a week as little ones I was always relieved when they would go...no matter how the outcome showed itself. Pleasant, no, but you had to know this was bound to happen when you started thinking about having children.
These are just a couple of things that I hear often even at baby showers when the blissful expectant mother is 'getting advise' from the already 'experienced' parents. It makes me sad that such things have to be brought into that precious happiness that expecting your first baby brings!
Now I am getting to experience a new level of parenthood. Both of my children to this point are adopted, because I was 'pre-menopausal' (however you spell it) and would not have any children after our 4th miscarriage. God prooved Himself to be still in the miracle business when in August of 2010 we discovered we were expecting! As I sit here now we are at 29 weeks and still doing well! You hear many women with a vast number of complaints about pregnancy. Here is another place I try very hard not to complain...this is a blessing, I know MANY people that would do almost anything to be in the state I am in right now. They wouldn't be caring about how much the scale has changed in 7 months or that they waddle everywhere they walk or they are not sleeping all the way through the night or that they cannot fit into 'normal' clothing or how uncomfortable they are or all the other things you often hear from pregnant women. Here again, I have tried very hard to not complain...have I failed, most likely, but my desire is to be thankful for this pregnancy that God has blessed me with. It has been exciting to get to experience the amazingness of a baby growing inside of my womb and feeling the kicks, and while my pregnancy hasn't been a bed of roses, even that has been somewhat exciting. We have had something like 7 ultrasounds since 6 weeks, 5 days and our last being just two weeks ago. I get to have at least one more before she is born too!
So going back to that quote, what kind of a mother do you want to be. If I were to constantly complain about my children, now that they are 4 years old, they would be hearing that and what would that do to them? Not only that, but what does it do to the people you are complaining to? Do they have children of their own? Do they not? Are they having trouble having children and are sitting there thinking 'lady if only you knew how much I would love to take your children off your hands and love on them' because of what they have been through? Our words strike farther than we think sometimes, and when dealing with such a precious gift as children we need to watch what we say....not only for ourselves, but for our children and people around us!
I found this quote (without author noted) and it really hit home to me. I have always tried very hard not to sound like a mother complaining about my children. Have I failed, YES, but I try each day to be ONLY thankful for my children and where we are. Do I complain about other things, more than I should...but why would I complain about one of the top three most amazing gifts God has blessed me with?
I know many women who have very little good to say about being a mother, or sharing the experience with their spouse. Is being a mother hard, YES! It is probably one of the most difficult hats I have to wear. But it is amazing, and I find it amazing how God has pieced our family together in His most perfect way! Now I know I have complained of situations before, but what do you hear fairly new mothers complain about out of the gates?
"I am so tired, this child wakes up for nightly feedings and I cannot sleep." I always found the night time feedings a blessing. The house is quiet, the lights are dim, and there are no distractions and absolutely nothing else for me to be doing but feeding that precious baby. I find this true of all my babies, even our foster babies, I have never minded getting up for that precious bonding time no matter what the hour.
"Changing diapers is for the birds, those blow outs are the worst." Here, I do tend to say that it isn't the most pleasant thing in the world to do...but having two children that struggled to go 'stinky' more than once a week as little ones I was always relieved when they would go...no matter how the outcome showed itself. Pleasant, no, but you had to know this was bound to happen when you started thinking about having children.
These are just a couple of things that I hear often even at baby showers when the blissful expectant mother is 'getting advise' from the already 'experienced' parents. It makes me sad that such things have to be brought into that precious happiness that expecting your first baby brings!
Now I am getting to experience a new level of parenthood. Both of my children to this point are adopted, because I was 'pre-menopausal' (however you spell it) and would not have any children after our 4th miscarriage. God prooved Himself to be still in the miracle business when in August of 2010 we discovered we were expecting! As I sit here now we are at 29 weeks and still doing well! You hear many women with a vast number of complaints about pregnancy. Here is another place I try very hard not to complain...this is a blessing, I know MANY people that would do almost anything to be in the state I am in right now. They wouldn't be caring about how much the scale has changed in 7 months or that they waddle everywhere they walk or they are not sleeping all the way through the night or that they cannot fit into 'normal' clothing or how uncomfortable they are or all the other things you often hear from pregnant women. Here again, I have tried very hard to not complain...have I failed, most likely, but my desire is to be thankful for this pregnancy that God has blessed me with. It has been exciting to get to experience the amazingness of a baby growing inside of my womb and feeling the kicks, and while my pregnancy hasn't been a bed of roses, even that has been somewhat exciting. We have had something like 7 ultrasounds since 6 weeks, 5 days and our last being just two weeks ago. I get to have at least one more before she is born too!
So going back to that quote, what kind of a mother do you want to be. If I were to constantly complain about my children, now that they are 4 years old, they would be hearing that and what would that do to them? Not only that, but what does it do to the people you are complaining to? Do they have children of their own? Do they not? Are they having trouble having children and are sitting there thinking 'lady if only you knew how much I would love to take your children off your hands and love on them' because of what they have been through? Our words strike farther than we think sometimes, and when dealing with such a precious gift as children we need to watch what we say....not only for ourselves, but for our children and people around us!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Countdown!
But just as big as the half way point is the fact that in 7 {SEVEN} days we will have are big ultrasound and hopefully will know if we should plan pink or blue! This seems like it might really happen! We are thankful and trusting God!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
A blessing!
We had our second ultrasound today! Two weeks ago Grasshopper measured 6 weeks and 2 days with a heartbeat of 128. That put our due date at April 5th 2011! Today I went in nervous, with our history it just doesn't seem possible that we MIGHT have a great pregnancy with a full term healthy baby...but the doctor today said (while anything can happen) she didn't see any reason to worry at this point!
Grasshopper measured 8 weeks and 5 days today with a heartbeat of 180! What a blessing it was! I was able to hear the heartbeat and see Grasshoppers' little heart beating on the screen by way of a small little flicker!
I am slightly more excited now but they are going to have me come in for another ultrasound in 2 weeks just to check things out again! I am so excited, at that point I should be just shy of 11 weeks...that is almost all the way through my first trimester! Definately uncharted territory for us here! Praise the Lord!
Grasshopper measured 8 weeks and 5 days today with a heartbeat of 180! What a blessing it was! I was able to hear the heartbeat and see Grasshoppers' little heart beating on the screen by way of a small little flicker!
I am slightly more excited now but they are going to have me come in for another ultrasound in 2 weeks just to check things out again! I am so excited, at that point I should be just shy of 11 weeks...that is almost all the way through my first trimester! Definately uncharted territory for us here! Praise the Lord!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Please forgive me...
So I know everyone says I need to be excited, and I am! Do you not think that a couple who wanted to have a large family who finds out through 4 miscarriages that we no longer have a shot at having natural children because I am no longer ovulating even with fertility helps then 4+ years later finds herself pregnant is excited at the possibility of having a baby? Do you really not think we are excited?
But here is the thing, we HAVE had 4 miscarriages. We HAVE had no positive end to a pregnancy in the past. I HAVE been haveing sypmtoms, but that doesn't mean that it is just going to be OKAY!
Please forgive me for not jumping up and down, please forgive me if you do not think I am putting enough faith in God, please forgive me if you think I worry too much, please forgive me if you think I am being lazy, please forgive me if you think I am not counting my blessing.
Do you know how difficult it is to answer the question, "how many children do you have?" with the number 2 (before knowing of this pregnancy.) I want to scream from the rooftops that I have 6 children, just because the other four never lived a second on this earth doesn't mean they were not my children. But other people do not get that. I am greatful and blessed beyond all measure with the two beatufiul children I do have...and if God thought they were all we needed than I would be okay with that. But our hearts tell us different. We are still actively persuing adoption, and we have a baby that is 8 weeks and 1 day growing inside of me. We have passed the point of pregnancy of three of our four miscarriages and things are looking pretty good...but we are still early on.
So if you choose to talk with me, please remember that we have history. Please don't just assume because I am healthier now than ever that everything is going to be okay...please know the best thing to do is to pray. I am scared, and worried, and nervous that the ultrasound tomorrow is going to look the same as the one 2 weeks ago and show that my baby is not growing. I look toward the positive as much as possible, but at the end of the day the best I can do is, "this one is a fighter, we are going to be okay." I tell myself that often, and pray it to be true. But really, my heart will not stop the hurt until around 7 months from now I am holding my healthy happy baby in my arms.
Please forgive me...
But here is the thing, we HAVE had 4 miscarriages. We HAVE had no positive end to a pregnancy in the past. I HAVE been haveing sypmtoms, but that doesn't mean that it is just going to be OKAY!
Please forgive me for not jumping up and down, please forgive me if you do not think I am putting enough faith in God, please forgive me if you think I worry too much, please forgive me if you think I am being lazy, please forgive me if you think I am not counting my blessing.
Do you know how difficult it is to answer the question, "how many children do you have?" with the number 2 (before knowing of this pregnancy.) I want to scream from the rooftops that I have 6 children, just because the other four never lived a second on this earth doesn't mean they were not my children. But other people do not get that. I am greatful and blessed beyond all measure with the two beatufiul children I do have...and if God thought they were all we needed than I would be okay with that. But our hearts tell us different. We are still actively persuing adoption, and we have a baby that is 8 weeks and 1 day growing inside of me. We have passed the point of pregnancy of three of our four miscarriages and things are looking pretty good...but we are still early on.
So if you choose to talk with me, please remember that we have history. Please don't just assume because I am healthier now than ever that everything is going to be okay...please know the best thing to do is to pray. I am scared, and worried, and nervous that the ultrasound tomorrow is going to look the same as the one 2 weeks ago and show that my baby is not growing. I look toward the positive as much as possible, but at the end of the day the best I can do is, "this one is a fighter, we are going to be okay." I tell myself that often, and pray it to be true. But really, my heart will not stop the hurt until around 7 months from now I am holding my healthy happy baby in my arms.
Please forgive me...
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
~~~Encore Children's Boutique~~~
You must go HERE! I have launched an online children's boutique I am calling ENCORE and we now have one client and 36 items posted with many more to come in the days/weeks ahead! Please go and shop and Encore for newborn through 6 at this point! If you need a place to consign your new or gently used children's clothing please feel free to post a comment and leave a way to contact you so that we can set it up! I look forward to doing business with you!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
The way things are...
So. seriously, I have another 'gripe' to blog about. I could gripe every day most likely, but I try not to dwell on these things too much!
I am having the most difficult time with people...people that cannot be honest and that is in any avenue of life. It might be calling in sick when you don't want to work, or trying to bring your sick child to daycare while under the influence of tylenol. It just seems that it is ACCEPTED in today's society that telling a little lie isn't a lie at all and no one bats an eye! I don't know about you but that makes me uncomfortable. Especially when it comes to friends, I will tell you that my husband have a very small number of people that we acctually consider friends, which i ssad...but safe at the same time. We have had a large group of friends in the past and seemed to only be hurt or let down time and time again...and even now there are people in our community that once were friends...or so we thought, in actuallity they were only our friends because they needed something from us or needed Handsome to do some work for them. GGGGGRRRRRR
SeRiOuSlY pEoPlE!!!!
Lets just be honest and the world would be a better place, if you really do not want to be our friends but would like some help with something, just be honest about it. We are rather busy people and so it might not be right away, but most likely we will help in any way we can....because that is who we are!
Another thing, if you are in a position of helping people already...I mean your job puts you in with working with people, it could be a receptionist, a customer service rep., a pastor, or working in a restaurant (any job that involves people) DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT HAVING TO HELP PEOPLE! It does not matter how petty their problem it is YOUR JOB! I have to say that at times this one is difficult with me, I have some days where it seems that a client my not be understanding my hours or my rules or what have you and it gets a little frusterating so I complain to my husband or to one of my few friends.....and I need to do better.
But while I work on some of my weaknesses, can I challange you do to the same? If you work with people, have a people serving spirit!
I am having the most difficult time with people...people that cannot be honest and that is in any avenue of life. It might be calling in sick when you don't want to work, or trying to bring your sick child to daycare while under the influence of tylenol. It just seems that it is ACCEPTED in today's society that telling a little lie isn't a lie at all and no one bats an eye! I don't know about you but that makes me uncomfortable. Especially when it comes to friends, I will tell you that my husband have a very small number of people that we acctually consider friends, which i ssad...but safe at the same time. We have had a large group of friends in the past and seemed to only be hurt or let down time and time again...and even now there are people in our community that once were friends...or so we thought, in actuallity they were only our friends because they needed something from us or needed Handsome to do some work for them. GGGGGRRRRRR
SeRiOuSlY pEoPlE!!!!
Lets just be honest and the world would be a better place, if you really do not want to be our friends but would like some help with something, just be honest about it. We are rather busy people and so it might not be right away, but most likely we will help in any way we can....because that is who we are!
Another thing, if you are in a position of helping people already...I mean your job puts you in with working with people, it could be a receptionist, a customer service rep., a pastor, or working in a restaurant (any job that involves people) DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT HAVING TO HELP PEOPLE! It does not matter how petty their problem it is YOUR JOB! I have to say that at times this one is difficult with me, I have some days where it seems that a client my not be understanding my hours or my rules or what have you and it gets a little frusterating so I complain to my husband or to one of my few friends.....and I need to do better.
But while I work on some of my weaknesses, can I challange you do to the same? If you work with people, have a people serving spirit!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
