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Tuesday, August 4, 2015

So here I am again....

PCOS is a terrible TERRIBLE theif.  It steals so much from my life.  I have decided to take my life back in the only way that has been successful in the past....the Ideal Protein Diet.  I did it in 2010 and lost 48 lbs, felt great, got pregnant and gave birth to a HEALTHY full term baby girl in 2011.

Fast forward 5 years, 2 more miscarriages and my PCOS has taken over my eating, my weight, my health and my cycles (or lack thereof)....which has caused me to be put on 3 different meds and feeling terrible and struggling with depression (not extreme, but some.)

I started what I am calling MyIdeal2015 yesterday, August 3rd.  I had 64.5 lbs from my initial weigh in to my goal, but my real goal is gaining my life back, being able to love on my kids more and (prayerfully) getting and staying pregnant with another healthy full term baby!  I will check in every week after my weigh in (either Monday evening or Tuesday) as my journal to keep me accountable.

My only complaint so far is of the headache, lack of energy and terrible taste of olive oil.  Perks, my home scale already moved...no heartburn....and I slept well last night!!!

See you next week!

Monday, March 2, 2015

Tricky Dirty Wrong+

First let me apologize for the 4 year hiatus on this space!!!  We had our healthy happy stubborn baby girl on March 19 2011 and then 5 months and 5 days later brought our 4th child home from the Lonestar State at 10 days old!!!  Needless to say the last 4 years have been a little crazy.  We have also continued to have foster children in our home...so for the last 3 years we have consistently had 6 children in our home!!!

I am coming her today to talk about something that is greatly troubling me today.  SATAN!  He is so tricky and his tricks sometimes are just downright dirty.  You make a decision according to what you believe God would want you to do but this lion sure tries to make you question your decision and at time make you think you made the wrong one.

I have always struggled with graphic, nasty dreams.  Dreams that are recurring for sometimes years at a time and they are always bold, vivid and happening on a regular basis.  I can think of several that I am so thankful that through prayer with my Handsome have went away.  Snake dreams come and go and when I say snake dreams I'm not meaning snakes of normal size and nature...but snakes that take over the world and eat the people you love the most, in horrifying detail.

But for the last little while I have struggle with a dream that hits me right in a personal insecurity.  It is a dream I do not really wish to share, in fact only one of my daycare moms knows what it is and no one else.  But there are times that it comes and goes, but Satan has used a godly conversation with a friend and turned my insecurity of this situation into an awful and heartbreaking recurring dream.

It affects the way I think about certain situations, it causes me to over analyse things, it causes me to live in fear.....and deep down I believe the lie he wants me to believe isn't true.  I pray it never becomes true....but still I wrestle.

The worst part about it is that I really do not have a close person that I can tell everything to.  So I am here...writing my thoughts, my fears, my heartbreak....on this site.  Not exactly the most friendly 'welcome back' post ever....but an honest one for sure.