A Mama's Heart

While I am a Mama in most sense of the word, I have never carried a baby in my womb for 9 months and birthed him or her.  I do not look at my children and think, "wow, he has his Daddy's eyes" or "the poor girl has my nose" or what have you.  But I have something even more special, I have the fact that God specifically place our Princess and our BooBear in our lives!

You see, while we have been able to conceive four beautiful babies that stayed with me for 6-8 weeks each, we never knew if they were boys or girls...or what color eyes they would have, or who's features they would carry.  But in all four of those situations if we would have been able to carry them to full term we would most likely not pursued adoption, and thus our two would not be with us.  Don't get me wrong, they are missed, and I deeply wish I would have been given the chance to be their Mama...but God had different plans.

And while we had 26 'matches' in adoption before we finally brought our Princess home from the hospital, again, if any one of those beautiful lives would have come to our home they would not have been the children that God intended to be with us.

I look at our Princess and see so much of my mother in her, right down to the teeth...but how is that possible?  They are not even related by blood...and if you know is IRL they really do not have any resemblence of eachother either.  But, boy oh boy, do they have similar personalities!  Sometimes it scares me how much of my mother's personality my beautiful daughter carries...but you see that was Gods plan.  He placed the Princess in our lives because she was the 'perfect' fit!  It even cracks me up a little.  The Princess is named after both Handsome and my paternal grandmothers for her first and middle name...both our grandmothers had an interesting wave ~both of them waved the same~ and our Princess waves that very way.  Neither my husband or myself do, she just started doing it like that!  Another great example is how my grandma used to cross her arms on her tummy when she was listening or talking or waiting and my daughter does that very same thing.  Gods plan is the perfect plan.

I look at our BooBear and see that he looks SO MUCH like my husbands side of the family.  I often look at pictures of his older boy cousin when he was at a simliar age and they look so much alike (to me) it is interesting.  He does carry different physical features that are so much like my husbands family that most of the time people just figure he is our biological child.  While we view him no differently than if he were our bio child, he is not...BUT, he is the BooBear God knew we needed and placed with us because again, he is are 'perfect fit.'  There are even a few times I can look at him and see a glimpse of my brother when he was a wee one...every now and then!  Gods plan is the perfect plan.

Not that it makes it any easier that we lost four perfect babies to miscarriage, or that it hurts any less that we received 26 phone calls stating we were to be parents and 26 more phone calls telling us something went backwards and it wouldn't be happening.  I grieved for each of those 30 little angels...little angels that even though they were not really IN OUR LIVES they were and I loved them...before I even knew them!

Now, I am not preaching away for no reason...though we all do need a reminder of Gods plan and timing being perfect every now and then...

BUT, there is a reason for this.  I do not know how many people read this blog on a regular basis...I do not know if you know me IRL or if you stumbled across this blog just by chance and are a first time reader...or a secret stalker that hasn't commented yet...but I do want to ask you one thing...

Please be in prayer for us, we have felt the desire to grow our family by way of adoption again.  We do not know if it is tomorrow or two years from now...but we believe it is a desire God has placed in our hearts and we have been praying for a year already to bring our O.O.H. (boy) or E.D.H (girl) home.  Our children are excited for the day that happens and pray daily (sometimes more than once and on their own) for bring a brother and/or a sister home.  Now here is the thing, while we have enough to support more children on a daily basis, we do not have $25000 laying around to pay for the adoption.  We did a fundraiser last year that helped us raise $250 towards the cause of our adoption...but that is all we have!  We also have a laywer in town who is willing to do our states finalization for nothing...so that is another provision God has given to us.  BUT, that isn't the total cost of the adoption.  I believe God can do amazing things, and I believe that He could help us to raise the full amount and not have to take any debt out for this adoption...

That is where you, the faithful readers, come in to play.  I am not asking you to all send me your money (though if you wanted to email me! lol) I am asking that you pray with us for the finacial provision so that we can grow our family again.  I am also asking that if you know of any great fundraisers please leave in the comments how I can reasearch and look into them.  My prayer every year is to bring our baby home for Christmas...I prayed that in 2008, in 2009, and I have been praying that for 2010...so if you have any advise or information to share with us, or if your church might be interested in doing a benefit to help an adoptive family out...please let me know!

Here's to bringing our bab(y)(ies) home this year~